Every Day In Every Dimension
by AudreyRoscoe
Summary: Magnus let out a hollow laugh that almost sounded like a bark. "I'm the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Alexander. I know how to take care of myself". Despite his apparent cold and arrogant tone, there was a sadness in his voice as well. Sadness mixed with a hidden fondness that didn't match the rest of his feelings at all. It was barely recognizable and somehow still glaringly obvious.
1. I Finding

**I. Finding**

He was falling.

He didn't know how or where to or even _why_ , but the heavy feeling of gravity pulling him towards the ground – a ground he couldn't even _see_ – was a clear fact in his mind.

His stomach twisted and turned, his nerves fluttering in a way that made his heart race ad his palms feel sweaty and cold.

Alec wanted to scream, names tumbling through his mind, almost automatically settling on the one of his parabatai.

"Jace!".

The scream ripped through his throat but he made no sound. There was only silence around him, nothing reaching his ears.

It made him feel disorientated, almost scared, like he could be drowning in it if he wasn't careful enough.

He was about to try screaming again, but he choked on his own words when he suddenly hit the ground, crashing face first into a hard surface.

He groaned, expecting the pain to wash over him and maybe even knock him out - but there was none.

The impact should have broken or at least hurt his nose, but it felt just fine.

Confused, Alec decided that it was a good idea to sit up and finally have a look at his surroundings. His hands still felt cold, but his heart wasn't threatening to jump out of his rib cage anymore, which he guessed was a good thing.

His first thought when he looked around was that he had no idea where the hell he was.

He noticed that he wore his usual black clothing and that he didn't feel any different than he should, but nothing about his surroundings felt familiar to him.

The walls around him were almost bare, the blueish wallpaper looking like it had been ripped off half-heartedly by someone who hasn't had the strength to finish his work.

The rest of the room looked just as worn down.

There was barely any furniture; only a table that had been knocked over and what looked like a few things that were meant for a cat: Bowls, a sleeping space and a scratching post.

Who owned this place? And where was that person? And how did _he_ get here?

Alec stood up when he felt like his knees felt strong enough for it, and started walking around the pretty much empty, but spacious room, trying to look for any hints about the owner or at least his general whereabouts.

Looking out of the large window barely gave him any sense of direction, since all he could see where wide fields, trees and a river stretching far into the north. Thick rain clouds where gathering in the sky, but until now not a single drop was coming out of them and Alec hoped that it stayed that way. If he had to escape he would rather do it while it was still dry.

His boots sounded heavy on the wooden floor, and he cursed quietly, reminding himself to be more careful even in his disorientated state.

He could do better than this.

When he stepped to the corner of the room he noticed that there were spaces on the walls that looked less dusty than the rest, the wallpaper itself not damaged. Judging from the sizes and shapes, the spaces had once been covered by what he guessed must have been picture-frames.

Why had they been taken down? Had the owner moved and he was worrying without any reason to?

But why were the cat's things still here if he had? Why had the table been flipped over and the wallpaper been ripped off so carelessly?

Alec felt the start of a headache pounding in his skull and let out a quiet, annoyed sigh. He couldn't be hurt by crashing full force into the ground, but a simple headache was still in?

Ridiculous.

He flinched when a sudden voice startled him out of his useless thinking process.

"No! I am done with talking about this, Clary! Stop calling me! I'm fine!".

It was Magnus. He was obviously talking to someone – to _Clary –_ on the phone and not to him, as he had first assumed.

But what had he been talking about? To _her_?

The Warlock put the phone away and Alec noticed that his hands were shaking.

His cat-like eyes only now seemed to focus o the room and he suddenly looked directly at him, but not like he was actually _seeing_ him. More like he was staring right through him at the empty spaces on the wall.

And then something unexpected happened.

Magnus started crying.

It wasn't the overly dramatic kind of crying that some people might would have expected from him, but the contrary.

Silent tears rolled from his red-rimmed eyes to his pristine cheeks, leaving tiny, wet stains in their wake.

Alec's eyebrows almost went up to his hairline, the surprise about seeing Magnus – The High Warlock of Brooklyn - _crying_ being too much for his already confused brain.

He couldn't think of any words to say, so he instead stepped up to him, raising his hand hesitantly to maybe, possibly put it on his arm in an helpless effort to comfort him. Like Magnus had done it to him way too many times in the short span they had known each other.

The touch had always felt kind of foreign to him; Magnus' soft skin on his own unusual, but not unwelcome.

Maybe it had been the magic that was constantly flowing through his veins, his every cell, or maybe it had been something completely different, but the feeling had always almost immediately calmed him down a bit.

Alec didn't want to think about that.

But he wanted to do the same for him.

When he reached out to carefully place his hand on the Warlock's arm, which was clad in the soft-looking fabric of a black coat, it went right through.

He couldn't touch him.

Alec's heart started racing again and he desperately tried again, trying to convince himself that he had missed his form the first time, that somehow-...

But nothing happened. His fingers touched nothing solid, only wandering aimlessly through the air, until he pulled his arm back against his side.

What the hell was going on? Where _was_ he?

What if Magnus was using some kind of magic on him, making him unaccessible?

No. That wasn't it. It must be the same reason for why he hadn't hurt himself earlier.

He wasn't there.

He wasn't real here.

He must be in some parallel universe, a different dimension of some sort.

The realization hit him like a brick. His guts twisted again and he gasped for air, feeling a sudden wave of dizziness washing over him.

Alec tried to pull himself together, almost wanting to laugh at himself for how he acted. Stranger things had happened to him and still here he was, behaving like a five-year old that had been left alone by his parents in a supermarket.

But this was different and he knew it. His head was swimming with other things that occupied his mind: The wedding, his parent's past, Izzy...

He could barely concentrate on anything, thoughts drifting in and out of his conscience, nor did he have any time for this.

Alec shook his head, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. Breathed out.

He opened his eyes and looked at Magnus again, like he hoped that he could somehow see him, now that he had recomposed himself a little bit.

Magnus had stopped crying. Instead, his gaze flickered through the room, his eyes suddenly looking wild.

"Alec?".

His voice sounded so desperate, so _broken_ that Alec visibly flinched, the urge to touch and reassure him growing so much stronger than before.

The tears that stained Magnus' cheeks glistened on his flawless skin and Alec only then noticed that something was off about him. Even more so than it already was.

It didn't take him long to figure out what it was.

He wasn't wearing any of his usual glitter. The sparkles that normally reached across his skin, around his eyes, usually glowing and shimmering like tiny stars – they were gone.

In fact there was nothing glamorous about his appearance, now that Alec payed attention to it.

He was clad in all black: His shoes, his pants, the coat. Dark, smudgy make-up was the only thing that highlighted Magnus' eyes.

His hair wasn't spiked up, nor was it styled into one of his famous quiffs. Instead the loose, almost greasy strands simply fell into his forehead, as if even his hair was sad.

To put it short: He looked absolutely _miserable._

"I'm here", Alec found himself saying, his words sounding desperate, almost pleading, but his throat felt dry and the words barely tumbled out of his mouth.

Magnus suddenly pressed his hands to his ears, then to his eyes, as if he couldn't stand to hear or see anything anymore.

"I'm going insane", he whispered, his voice eerily hollow.

And then he started to say something, three little words that he repeated over and over again, like he was trying to convince himself of the truth they held this way.

"Alec is dead. Alec is dead. _ALEC IS DEAD"._

_

Thank you so much for reading!

This is my first ever Shadowhunters Fanfiction and I'm very excited for it!

It's going to have five chapters and maybe a bonus chapter afterwards.

I would like to hear your thoughts! 3

Cross-posted on Archive Of Our Own.


	2. II Recomposing

Hello guys! Thank you so much for your follows and the hits for this story! I was incredibly happy to see that you liked the first chapter! And thank you to **Fearless1** for the lovely review; I was very, very happy to see you describing the style as unusual, since that was what I was hoping for! I hope you like this as well!

Lots of love! Hope this is not too confusing because.. well.. you will see..

* * *

 **II. Recomposing**

" _Alec is dead. Alec is dead. ALEC IS DEAD"._

It was as if someone had drained the air out of the room.

Alec felt himself trying to breathe, but found that he was incapable of doing so.

There was a lump in his throat and it prevented him from getting air into his lungs.

Within seconds he felt himself panicking, even though he tried his hardest to stay calm, digging his nails into his own flesh to steady and distract himself.

Why was Magnus saying this?

He was not _dead._

His mind tried its hardest to get through to him, to get the thought to his brain that _maybe_ it was just in this dimension or that maybe Magnus didn't know better and only _thought_ he was dead, while he might just be lost or kidnapped.

The thoughts made the lump disappear, or at least shrink, and Alec desperately tried to suck air in again, greedily doing so when he realized that it worked this time.

The panic subsided, making place for a cold, empty feeling that nestled itself into his stomach. It was more bearable than the pure fear that had seeped into his bones before, but it still numbed his brain.

Alec normalized his breathing, before he lightly shook his head, steadying himself and his mind. Stabilizing it.

Jace would have started yelling at him long ago to _get back on track, Alec, you can do better at this, don't be such a wuss!_ and Alec missed his stern voice and commands as much as he had missed the air in his lungs before.

It wasn't that he wasn't able to lead a mission himself or hell, to take care of himself, but with everything that was going on he wouldn't mind letting someone else do the job.

Instead he was stuck in this dimension, where he was apparently _dead._

And he couldn't even ask for an explanation since there was _nothing_ he could do here.

But what had Magnus said before? He had said his name, when Alec had gotten close to him.

Did that mean that the Warlock could maybe feel his presence?

He realized in that moment that it would be weird if he would not be able to do so, since Alec knew just how powerful Magnus really was.

So why was it that he obviously couldn't tell that he himself was here? Another version of the Alec Magnus had known in this dimension?

" _Known"_ , a voice mocked in his head.

He couldn't quite place it, but it sounded like an annoying, disturbing mixture of Jace and his sister Isabelle.

" _I think what you mean is lo-..."_

Before the voice could finish, he suddenly felt the ground underneath him cracking. It was a loud, horrible sound that instantly warned Alec to get the hell out of the room, his eyes fixing on the long cracks that winded through the wooden floor.

His eyes darted around until they found the door, his body already turning in the direction of it, of the nearest _escape._

And then his gaze fixed on Magnus.

He still looked broken, his eyes cast downwards and his body trembling just the slightest bit. His shoulders were raised, building a stiff line.

"Magnus, we need to get out of here", Alec said, a hurried edge to his voice.

He was so _sick_ of being scared.

But Magnus wasn't moving.

In fact, he didn't even seem to notice what was happening around him.

By now, there were already little holes in the ground, shards of wood falling through them into-.

Into nothingness.

There was nothing underneath it, no more floors or any foundation or anything that indicated-...

"Magnus!", his voice grew louder now, his hands desperately reaching out to grab the Warlock's arm,to drag him out of this room, to get him away from whatever the hell was happening to the ground.

But he still couldn't touch him.

Before he could even start another try, he felt a heavy pull, like someone was actually _dragging_ him towards the hole. A tiny scream escaped his mouth and in the next second he was already falling.

He tried to reach for the remaining floor but his hands went right through, of course they did, and then he was spiraling towards the darkness, towards nothing at all.

The last thing he saw were Magnus' eyes. Dull, almost lifeless. As if he had died alongside Alec's version in this dimension.

A warm breeze was tickling his cheeks.

A door was being closed, and quiet footsteps were reaching his ears.

The smell of freshly baked bread filled his senses and he felt a warmth seeping into his bones, like he was being wrapped in a soft blanket after staying out in the cold for too long.

Happy but distant voices filled the silence that still rang in his ears after everything that had happened before.

There was no way he could tell how much time had passed between then and now, but one thing he knew for sure: He still wasn't back home at the institute.

Nobody ever made fresh bread there.

Alec finally opened his eyes. It wasn't very easy; it somehow felt like someone had glued his lids together and he had to fight it away in order to see again.

But the headache that had been building earlier was slowly subsiding and he noted that he didn't feel any other pain either.

He must have passed out while falling, since he couldn't remember hitting the ground this time. Maybe it was better that way, since even without feeling the crash, it still wasn't a very pleasant experience.

When he sat up this time, he didn't feel disorientated.

Instead, the warm feeling in his gut spread farther through his body, making him feel almost lightheaded for a second.

A smile tugged on his lips, and Alec felt it growing despite not even knowing why in the world he was smiling in the first place.

But then he noticed what actually was in front of him.

He had been right about the bread: A woman had put it onto a large, beautiful wooden table that was covered in plates, silverware and other food that smelled _delicious._

He recognized her immediately.

It was his mother, Maryse.

But then again, he wondered if it really was her.

The hair that she usually held back in a strict ponytail was falling freely past her shoulders, making her look younger than she actually was. The wrinkles that had built from stress and exhaustion over the years were barely visible, just the tiniest hints on her forehead and around her mouth.

And she was _smiling._

It wasn't that she never smiled, but it had been quiet a while since Alec had seen her smile like this. He thought of everything that was happening at the institute, all the things she had to worry about or take care of. He couldn't blame his mother, really.

He tried to compare her with the version of Magnus he had seen, the one without the glitter and glamour that the Warlock usually wore so proudly.

Alec couldn't decide which one disturbed him more, but he found that his mother's definitely disturbed him in a nicer way. If that made any sense.

"We were so happy when Alec told us that he was bringing a boy over for dinner! Robert and I had been wondering why it had taken him so long, but apparently he had just been waiting for a good one".

One might think that after ending up in another dimension without any knowledge or preparation, seeing The High Warlock of Brooklyn crying and falling through the floor a second later, nothing could really shock Alec anymore.

But when the words of his mother reached his ears and his brain was starting to process what he had heard, today's events seemed like nothing compared to them.

His heart seemed to clench for a moment, before it suddenly thumped in his chest with twice the speed. An excitement fluttered in his belly, one he had barely ever felt before.

It spread through his whole body, up to his fingertips, and following a sudden impulse he opened his mouth to say something, anything-...

But then another voice answered for him.

"Mom, please don't embarrass me like that".

The voice wasn't angry, but joking, with only the tiniest bit of real discomfort. It sounded confident, as if nothing could touch him, even less what he said.

It was him. Alec.

He was wearing a light blue shirt with the collar down, paired with tight, dark jeans and black dress shoes. His hair was matted down and in comparison to his usually way more messy style it looked almost flat.

The actual Alec had never seen that outfit or even the hair style on himself.

In all honesty, seeing this combination of clothes made him cringe, a cold shudder running down his back.

At the same time though, he felt some of his muscles relax, ones he had barely recognized were tensed up at all.

He was _alive._

He wasn't dead or lost or kidnapped in this dimension.

He wouldn't have to see anyone crying because of him now.

And adding the words of his mother to what this other version of himself was wearing – and he _knew_ that he was applying stereotypes here, but he couldn't help it – he was also out.

The thought sent a mixture of confusion, fear and indescribable bliss through his body.

Then the other Alec continued talking.

"Mom, Dad? I want to introduce you to Magnus. My boyfriend."

Alec should have expected it. And he kind of had, really.

But it could still not keep him from his mouth falling open the tiniest bit at the sight of the Warlock, who had apparently been hidden from view by the door that led to the kitchen the whole time.

He had now stepped fully into the room, placing himself next to Alec – the _other_ Alec -, almost as if he wanted the other man to hide him, _shield_ him.

Magnus' stance was terribly awkward: His hands kept fidgeting, his gaze flicked around nervously and he barely even managed to look Alec's parents in the eyes.

With the horribly formal white dress-shirt and fitting black pants and shoes he looked like he was about to attend someone's wedding or at least something that required this kind of clothing – and not at all like the Warlock who couldn't give two damns about what people might think of his rather flamboyant style.

Alec had almost laughed about it, but his mind immediately understood why he did this, why he was trying so hard.

In this dimension, Magnus was meeting the parent's of his boyfriend.

The parents that, despite the smiles and friendly gestures, were always expecting the best behaviour of their guests and acquaintances.

Magnus was desperately trying to _impress_ them.

Because he wanted Alec's parents to like him.

So he could stay with him.

The realizations hit Alec like tiny, warm waves. He felt a blush creeping onto his cheeks, the imagine of the _real_ Magnus doing this for _him-…_

For a moment, Alec let himself picture it.

Magnus holding hands with him, proudly smiling at Robert and Maryse, telling them that he was now dating their son and _for the love of everything, please cancel this wedding now._

The thought immediately made him snap out of it.

The warm feeling was violently ripped out of his body, like someone had grabbed a sharp needle and had taken it from him like blood.

It was replaced by a heavy one, a deep shame for what he had just thought about.

He shouldn't even let himself imagine this.

He was marrying Lydia and that was it.

It was the best for all of them, especially for his family's name and-…

His train of thought derailed in front of his eyes when he saw how his parents, after having exchanged a few words with Magnus, left the room to get the rest of the food, leaving the boys to themselves. The other Alec immediately turned to Magnus, his _boyfriend,_ and took both of his hands in his.

His lips stretched into a loving smile, a smile that made something _ache_ inside of the real Alec, and he let his thumb graze the skin of the back of Magnus' hand.

"You don't have to be nervous", he said to him and his voice was so incredibly soft that Alec felt himself smile at the tone – which was _really weird_ when he thought about it.

Magnus nodded, his eyes meeting Alec's.

"It's just… I don't want them to think badly of me. I need them to love me, Alexander."

Hearing him say this name let memories flood Alec's brain, too many memories of the real Magnus pronouncing it in a way that was as infuriating as it was perfect. It made him nervous, because it usually were only his parents who called him that, and not a 400 year old Warlock who for some reason seemed to-…

To have fallen in love with him.

The thought felt almost foreign in his brain, simply because he had never allowed himself to really think it. It was like tasting something new, something he had declined all his life even though he had never tried it before, and now realizing that it actually wasn't as bad as he had been thinking all the time. That it was good.

"Don't be ridiculous. There's no way they could not".

A cheeky grin stretched the other Alec's lips even farther, and suddenly he was leaning forward and Alec realized that he was going to kiss him.

To kiss Magnus.

Alec felt his breath hitch in his throat, an excitement overtaking his body that he should feel ashamed of, but couldn't bring himself to. It felt like the warm waves were back with an increased intensity, crashing hotly against his stomach.

But before their lips could even meet, the door suddenly opened and Alec's parents stepped in, a mild look of embarrassment immediately overtaking both of their faces.

"We didn't want to interrupt", Robert declared, and Alec almost expected him to get angry, but instead an amused smile formed on his lips, as if he wanted to say something along the lines of _teenagers._

Both the other Alec and Magnus simply cleared their throat and laughed, and then they all sat down to finally have dinner together.

Alec tried to swallow the feeling of disappointment, closing his eyes and shaking his head to get rid of his ridiculous thoughts.

He shouldn't have wanted to see this so much. The whole picture of this picket fence life with him kissing Magnus and his parents giggling at the sideline was a dream, something that would never happen and he needed to get it out of his head as soon as possible.

Suddenly, the happy voices that chattered at the table didn't make him feel warm or comfortable anymore. He wanted to get out of here, didn't want them to be able to _hurt_ him like this.

And then, all of a sudden, they vanished.

Silence was pressing against his ears again, but before Alec could start to panic once more, it was broken by a voice.

The voice of the other Alec.

Alec opened his eyes, and noticed that the scene had changed.

He was in a room, but he was barely able to see anything. The only illumination was the silvery moonlight that filtered through the window, which was half-shut by dark blinds.

What he could make out were a comfortable looking bed, neatly made, and a few wardrobes and shelves, stuffed with what looked like books, maybe DVDs.

Was this his room in this dimension?

"We have the house to ourselves now", he heard Alec whisper, and he felt blood rushing to his cheeks when he heard how seductive those words sounded, especially with how husky his voice sounded.

Magnus hadn't looked at him, but at those words he raised his head and a smile formed on his lips: Shy, but hopeful.

And then the other Alec leaned down and pressed his lips to Magnus'.

It was almost hesitant, a simple, gentle touch, but when Magnus raised himself on his tiptoe's to take some pressure off of Alec's neck and carded a hand through his hair, it immediately grew in intensity, even if it was just the tiniest bit.

Alec was completely transfixed.

He was completely unable to take his eyes off of the two.

His heart was hammering against his rib cage, his whole body aching with what he could only call _want._

And this time, he didn't feel an ounce of shame.

Instead, he found himself admiring the way Magnus and him – or the other him – looked together. He had never really noticed the height difference that much, but in this moment, it was plain obvious.

And Alec almost found it endearing.

"Would you like to… Lay down?".

Magnus voice was still so damn hesitant – Alec didn't think he could ever get used to that or that horribly awkward question -, but his gaze was fixed on Alec, a mixture of what looked like _love_ and want in it.

But the answer didn't reach Alec's ears anymore.

He gasped when he felt something at the back of his shirt, someone grabbing him by the fabric of it and yanking him backwards.

He stumbled, and the sinking feeling of _falling_ spread in his gut, alongside with the repetitive thought of _No, I don't wanna leave_ – seconds before he crashed through the wall behind him, back into nothingness.


	3. III Realising

Hello lovelies!

Thank you so much for sticking with me through this story, I still can't believe how much love it gets! Thank you for the hits and faves and follows, and especially to the people who leave comments! I appreciate it so much! 3

I hope you like the chapter as welll! Please tell me if it gets too confusing and I will fix it up! 3

Much love!

* * *

 **III. Realising**

But it wasn't nothingness this time.

It was simply dark.

Alec didn't feel like someone was ripping his guts out of his body this time, didn't feel like he was going to be unconscious any second again.

Instead he was simply stumbling through an unlighted room, unable to keep himself on his feet and only barely catching the fall with his hands.

They touched a soft underground - a carpet, Alec guessed.

He got back up, shaking his hands a bit, as though he could get rid of the pain that the fall had caused them this way.

It wasn't much, and it quickly faded.

Alec then tried to recognize anything in the darkness, squinting his eyes. Was it the same room he had just been in? Only without the other Alec and Magnus in it?

He quickly discarded the thought, knowing that it was unlikely, since this room had a bigger, _superior_ feel to it, as if it could surpass the other one in more than just size.

It was as warm as the other one though, like someone had left the heating on even though that person wasn't present at the moment.

Alec finally started to move, carefully, since he couldn't know what could possibly await him here.

After what happened this was most likely another dimension again, and if it was anything close to his own, dark spaces could mean the most dangers.

For all he knew, a vampire or a demon could jump at him at any moment and tear him to shreds – although it was highly unlikely for the first, and he probably would have already sensed or _smelled_ the second option.

Normally, he was also able to feel when danger was approaching. Years of experience with all sorts and forms of it usually made his skin prickle and his senses sharpen when something was luring for him, but right now, he felt nothing like it.

In fact, a feeling similar to the one in the other dimension had settled in his gut; a feeling that made him feel like he was safe here, that nothing could hurt him.

He sighed, still staying alert and moved along the wall in hopes of finding anything resembling a source of light. He cursed himself for not bringing a witchlight – even though technically it wasn't his fault, since this whole adventure hadn't quite been a free will thing.

The thought reminded him of the fact that he still hadn't figured out why any of this was happening in the first place.

He still didn't know why he was here, and the only thing that united what he had seen in the past two dimensions was...

Magnus.

Alec stopped dead in his tracks, his hands still against the wall.

If this all somehow turned out to be some kind of genius idea that Magnus had thought off, he was going to-...

He was going to do something _very unpleasant_ to him.

He quickly shook his head to get the thoughts out of his head.

He didn't want to think about why the Warlock could have done this, what kind of goal he could have been following here.

Because he _knew._

Deep down he knew.

But he just could not bring himself to go over this again.

He had made his decision and it was final.

There were things that were way worse than this marriage would be.

Just because it eventually meant that he could not fully be himself, it wasn't necessary all bad.

Lydia was beautiful. She was a nice girl. She would soon be the head of the Institute with him. He would restore the family name. It was far from perfect but it was the best for his family.

Still, he couldn't ignore how bad this sounded, even too his own ears.

It all left a bitter taste in his mouth – one he had been trying to swallow down for so long.

Just when he felt the smooth, wooden material of a door beneath his fingertips, the same door was suddenly pushed open violently. It would have hit him square in the face – if anything in these worlds could touch him at all.

Instead it went right through him, leaving an alien, eerie feeling in his stomach that made him feel very nauseous for a moment.

But then he was distracted by the figures that had pushed into the room in the first place.

One of them immediately let a fire come alive in what looked like a fireplace, illuminating the room way more than a simple flame should be capable of.

Warlock magic.

It was, of course, Magnus.

And Alec himself.

Again.

But this time, they didn't look any different than their original selves.

The Alec in this dimension wore his usual Shadowhunter gear and Magnus was dressed in a dark blue, sparkly shirt and tight leather pants, combined with dark dress shoes. His eyes were surrounded by metallic blue eye shadow and heavy eyeliner.

Alec barely realised how his breath hitched in his throat at the pure sight of him.

An unexpected feeling of relief washed over him, as if his mind hadn't been quite sure if he would ever see the real Magnus again – _his_ Magnus.

But there he was, in all his glittery glory, that was only disturbed by the heavy scowl on his face. His eyes were stormy, his eyebrows drawn together and his mouth was a thin line.

His hands were clenched to fists by his side, the painted nails digging deeply into his skin.

Alec didn't think he had ever seen Magnus so angry.

Before he could ever wonder what had caused this, the Warlock started to speak.

"I don't know if you have any idea what on earth you just did there, that you nearly escaped _death, Alexander,_ but I would very much like to hear your explanation for it".

His voice was a barely controlled tremor, his hands having started to shake with it.

The other Alec didn't look at him, but he looked angry too, even though, contrary to Magnus, there was guilt written all over his face as well.

"I just wanted to protect Izzy, you know that".

"Oh, I think Isabelle was quite capable of doing that herself, Alec", Magnus spat, his voice rising in volume.

Suddenly, Alec was forcefully reminded of when he had told Magnus about his proposal to Lydia.

About the way he had said his name, his voice breaking and his eyes quickly averting, red-rimmed and so incredibly _hurt_ , that Alec had only been able to stare at him when he left, his heart thumping painfully in his chest.

The feeling had quickly dissolved into resignation.

That was what it had come down to, after all.

This situation felt similar to it.

It was weirdly arrogant to even think it, but until then Magnus had only ever spoken to him with a certain amount of amazement or fascination in his voice – although Alec couldn't think what in the world would amaze The High Warlock of Brooklyn about him.

But this was not about the real Magnus and him.

He had to try to figure out what had happened – he felt like getting to know the dimension was the only thing that could eventually get him out of this mess.

So he let all the thoughts that didn't matter right now go and instead let his mind grasp and assess the current situation.

Alec thought he understood why Magnus was angry – he knew how he himself acted well enough. He concluded that his other self had either screwed up a mission – like he himself had done when they had summoned the Memory demon – or he had put himself in danger.

One that Magnus had clearly deemed unnecessary.

But somehow, Alec couldn't shake the feeling that there was something else as well, underneath it – something deeper than the anger about a mission, regardless of what had happened.

"You keep doing this, _Alec,_ and I don't understand _why._ It appears to me that you're oh so very desperate to _die_."

Magnus voice was shaking. It sounded strained – as if he was holding back ab even bigger outburst.

Alec had no desire to see what _that_ would look like.

"I'm not", Alec answered through clenched teeth.

"I knew he was going to attack you next. He had already turned to you and you were busy with protecting Clary. You weren't prepared".

Magnus let out a hollow short, hollow laugh, that almost sounded like a bark.

"I'm the High Warlock of Brooklyn, _Alexander_. I know how to take care of myself".

Despite his apparent cold and arrogant tone, there was a sadness in his voice as well. Sadness mixed with a hidden fondness that didn't match the rest of his feelings at all.

It was barely recognizable and somehow still glaringly obvious.

Alec couldn't make sense of any of this.

"He was about to spray all of his damn poison on you, Magnus", there was a stark emphasis on the Warlock's name, to a point where it almost sounded venomous.

The other Alec had taken a few steps toward Magnus and was now towering over him, his arms crossed over his chest.

The Warlock himself looked neither intimidated, nor impressed by this move.

It almost looked like he was already used to this.

"And I would have cured myself. I can do that, as you should be very aware of", his tone was equally poisonous and incredibly bitter.

"I didn't force you to heal me back then!"

"Oh, so you would have rather died? Is that it? If you still plan on, I guess I should better inform your dear wife, telling her that her husband sadly wished for his own heroic death".

Alec stared at him.

His... His _what_?

"You know that that is not what I meant".

Alec's voice had dropped in volume; it sounded hollow now.

Tired.

Magnus looked up at him, his eyes boring into his, glinting dangerously. His next words were quiet, pressed and provoking.

"Then what is it? What are you trying to achieve with almost killing yourself every time we end up on a mission together?".

The other Alec lifted his chin, looking Magnus up and down, equally challenging. Alec had never seen himself looking as arrogant ad as broken all at the same time.

"If you know everything anyway, why don't you tell me?".

The words were barely above a whisper.

Instead of answering Magnus shoved him against the wall near the fireplace and pressed his lips to Alec's.

Alec – the real one – almost flinched at the sight, too confused and too overwhelmed by the sudden change in behavior. A wave of feelings hit him at once: The disbelief about him being supposedly _married –_ and still having a "thing" with Magnus, apparently – mixed with everything he was experiencing here.

To that came the frustration and bitterness of the two men in front of him, which somehow had dissolved into... This.

A hot rush of blood crept into his cheeks.

Magnus' hands were wrapped tightly around Alec's wrists, pinning them to either side of the wall, his lips still locked with his.

Alec found himself walking closer to them, the heat in his face intensifying when he realized what he was doing.

Watching himself making out with Magnus had been weird before, but that kiss had been hesitant and loving and careful.

This one was not.

Within seconds Magnus had managed to coax the other Alec's lip open and his tongue was swiping over his bottom lip, his teeth biting at it with a purpose that was as much passion as it was pain.

He obviously wanted to show how much he cared for Alec – regarding this to be his answer as to why the Shadowhunter should never let himself get in danger so carelessly again – while simultaneously wanting him to see that he had hurt him by his actions and words.

Alec realized with a tugging on his guts and a _very_ dry throat that the last part wasn't really working on his other self.

Quite the contrary, really.

Instead of fighting against the pressure on his wrists or the sharp bites on his bottom lip and, Alec realized, now his throat, he seemed to enjoy it a bit too much.

Tiny gasps and whimpers tumbled from his open mouth, his eyes closed in what looked like pure bliss, and his whole posture more relaxed.

Without Alec noticing, they had moved from hurting and throwing ugly words at each other to something else.

Something else entirely.

The ease with which they had slipped into it told Alec that this had happened before.

Maybe in this dimension they were used to it: Going on a mission, fighting together and then coming here, angry and hurt, only to let it dissolve into _this._

The thought didn't feel right to Alec; the imagine of himself and Magnus being caught in this endless loop of pain and... And pleasure.

He felt like this was not the way it was supposed to be.

But then he was apparently married, probably to Lydia, here and this whole thing was wrong in more than just that aspect anyway.

None of these dimensions made any sense to him.

Alec sighed, running a hands over his face and pressing his palms against his eyes. He just wanted someone to explain why this happened, why he was seeing all of this.

In addition he still felt a weird mixture of uncomfortable, weirded out and admittedly and embarrassingly turned on by the scene in front of him.

He really couldn't find the strength to move his eyes elsewhere – away from Magnus' soft lips on the other Alec's exposed throat. His tongue was tracing the rune that was running up his neck and Alec felt himself shudder in pleasure that wasn't even his to feel in the first place.

He decided to avert his eyes then, trying to focus on something different than Magnus' hands running down the other Alec's chest and slipping beneath the black shirt he was wearing.

Alec, the real Alec, had never been touched this way himself. He had never felt the intimate touch of someone else's fingertips dancing over his naked skin and getting these... these sounds out of him.

Watching Magnus' doing it with such certainty and such _passion_ made the fine hair on his skin stand up and the lower regions of his body reacting in a way that Alec had barely ever really felt before.

It was strange and intoxicating; wrong to watch and still so right to see himself touching another boy – or rather being touched – as if this was right where he belonged.

Alec was shocked at how little the thought freaked him out.

He watched Magnus' fingers slide over his abs, his nails dragging fine red lines across the skin as they went, and it was only then that Alec noticed that his other self hadn't moved his wrist from where Magnus had pinned them to the wall earlier.

Before the thought of him being this _pliant_ for the Warlock reached his mind, his gaze was caught by something else.

The wedding rune.

The fine lines were faded lightly, but were still clearly visible on the thin skin, showing each and every person that he was married, that he belonged to someone.

And that someone was not the man who was tugging his shirt off in this very moment.

He felt his vision blurring slightly when the full force of the situation hit him unexpectedly and violently.

He didn't know what had clouded his mind before – possibly the things that were happening right before his eyes, erasing every sense of reason in his head in the process – but now it felt like a fog had lifted and he was able to look very clearly at what his other self had done in this dimension.

He had married. To protect the honor, his family, his _normal life_.

Simultaneously he had started an affair with Magnus, for whom he quite obviously felt... something. And this something was clearly being returned by the Warlock and had led them to _this._

Was that what it would come down to?

Him cheating on Lydia?

How could he do this to her? And how did Magnus put up with this?

Alec turned away from them with a quick motion, suddenly feeling very sick.

He could no longer stand the sounds of the other Alec and Magnus kissing, their breathing becoming heavier, accentuated with desperate, needy sounds and words.

He wanted to get out of here, wanted to shut his eyes from the truth that was so obviously being presented to him, basically _shoved_ into his face – even though he knew, deep inside, that it was a lost cause.

As he was staggering through the apartment, looking for some kind of escape, the door farthest away from him suddenly burst open. Alec immediately ran towards it, his mind yelling at him that _no, he would fall again, he needed to face and accept that-..._

But he didn't fall this time.

Instead he was absorbed by bright, blinding light, silence stretching around him once more.


	4. IV Tranquilizing

Hello you beautiful people!

I'm back with a new chapter! It took a while for me to have time to upload it because I moved and then I kinda eneded up watching Captain America: Civil War twice and... yeah... I hope the chapter makes up for the wait! Thank you so much for your reviews and hits and follows and favourites! I know I'm saying this every chapter but you guys just make me so happy and you need to know that! Your words make me tear up, especially when you describe my story as awesome and incredible! :') A big, big thank you at Fearless1, CRAZYJAMES1 and to the lovely Guest that left such a long and beautiful comment!

And enjoy! One chapter to go and another one if you guys want a bonus chapter! ;)

* * *

 **IV. Tranquilizing**

The blinding light hurt his eyes, forcing him to close them as to not damage them permanently. He walked slowly, not wanting an unexpected _something_ to appear out of nowhere just so that it could make him trip or drag him into nothingness again. He has had his share of that.

Taking another step further into the room, he felt the texture of the ground shift. His feet had left the hard wooden floor from before and were now walking on something softer; no carpet, but definitely smoother than wood. Which meant that he had either just stepped into a different room of Magnus' flat or left the dimension completely behind.

He really hoped for the latter.

But before he could ponder longer on this, his train of thought was suddenly interrupted by a pair of hands on his back that shoved him forward. Alec bit down the surprise gasp and braced himself for the fall, hoping that he would be able to catch it, but instead he only stumbled a few steps ahead. The hands hadn't been rough, but rather gentle and encouraging, as if to say "Go ahead, you can do it. Don't be afraid".

And then they had left his back and when Alec turned around and squinted his eyes open to see who it had been, he, of course, couldn't spot anyone.

It was only then that he realized that the didn't feel the harsh light pressing against his eyes anymore and that he was now able to open them fully, without having to fear losing his eyesight.

Instead of overwhelming brightness, he was now greeted by gentle daylight filtering through big floor-to-ceiling windows into the room. It was a big contrast to the darkness of the room before, where he had barely been able to make out anything.

The light illuminated a wooden table with a set of six matching chairs set around it. They all had soft-looking black cushions on them and Alec's body ached to sit down on them to let himself rest for a few minutes, but he knew that it was impossible.

He hadn't even realized how exhausted he felt, but the events of the day made him feel as worn down as the room in the first dimension had looked. He was tired and done with the traveling, his mind filled to the brim with thoughts and doubts and pressure.

Alec tried to occupy it by letting his gaze wander around the room, taking in a row of usual kitchen furniture: counters, a refrigerator, a sink and a dishwasher and an oven with stove tops. There were cupboards on the wall above, all made from the same polished wood as the table and chairs.

There was a small piece of paper taped to one of them, and Alec stepped closer to read it.

It was a list of simple ingredients, probably for a salad, since tomatoes, cucumbers and oil had been listed. The only thing that didn't match at all was chocolate, which had been written in an other handwriting than the one the other three had been jotted down with. While this one was neat and careful, the last word was a barely readable _thing_ , that could really only be identified with a huge effort.

Alec's gaze flickered back and forth between the first three until he was positive that his mind hadn't played a trick on him and that he could really recognize the style of his own handwriting in them. He couldn't even act like he was surprised, not anymore.

And it probably wasn't a long shot to say that the mess of letters had been produced by Magnus.

So they were living together here as well?

A flicker of panic ran up his spine at the thought of this being the same dimension as before. What if he was mistaken and just the time had changed from nighttime to morning?

But Magnus and him couldn't possibly live and go shopping together if he was with Lydia, could they?

What if they were divorced and he had given this life up to live with Magnus?

Alec felt the panic spread just as it had before, numbing his brain and making it impossible to think clearly.

There was no way his parents were still talking to him if he had done that; if he had broken the sacred bond of marriage to be with Magnus.

His jumble of thoughts was interrupted by the sounds of footsteps, which where clearly leading right to the kitchen he was standing in. The panic that was still residing in his body lead him to take a few steps back and look for a place to hide, forgetting for a moment that no one here could even _see_ , much less yell at him for being in this foreign house in the first place.

Alec still took more steps backwards, not wanting the person to walk right through him when they entered, since the feeling of just being passed through like thin air was eerie and incredibly disturbing. He didn't want to experience that again – the door had been enough.

Alec's heart raced in his chest as he heard how the door handle was pressed down and a person entered the room.

What if he would see himself again, the wedding rune burned into his wrist, his eyes scared and haunted?

Or maybe he was dead again here, crushed by his own guilt or killed in some mission like Magnus had predicted what felt like mere minutes ago, and the list on the cupboard was the only reminder he had ever been here?

He braced himself for all of this, even feeling tempted to close his eyes like he had done when he had been a kid that couldn't stand watching the first rune that had been burned into Izzy's skin – but his worries were instantly discarded when he let himself look at the figure.

It was Magnus. Dressed in black silk sleeping pants and – Alec realized with a tug in his stomach – nothing to cover his chest or stomach. His hair was a mess and one hand was buried in it, nails painted dark blue, in an useless attempt to fix it. There was the tiniest hint of stubble on his face, highlighting his cheekbones in a way that made Alec's fingers itch to touch them, to trace the sharp lines with his fingers.

All in all he looked positively sleepy and content, a tiny smile on his lips and his hand flying to his mouth to stifle a yawn, while his other one had started to rummage in a cupboard – probably to find breakfast.

Alec felt his shoulders slump, a relieved smile spreading on his lips at the sight. He couldn't believe how incredibly _wrong_ his assumptions had been.

There was nothing hurt or broken about this Magnus and he knew that it sounded arrogant and selfish but it led him to think that at least Alec couldn't be dead in this dimension.

Magnus wouldn't look that happy if he were dead, right?

Right?

Before he could even let the doubts infiltrate his mind yet again, he suddenly heard another set of footsteps approaching and his gaze flickered to Magnus, who tensed and quickly snapped his fingers.

Alec's eyebrows shot up- he expected flames to come out of the Warlock's hands, or anything equally destructive – maybe he did live alone after all and the person was an intruder?

What he hadn't expected were two steaming mugs of coffee, a basket full of rolls and croissants and a bright ensemble of cheese, jam and fruit to appear on the table, complete with plates and silverware.

Just as the door opened the tension slipped off of Magnus' shoulders and he quickly leaned against the counter, a cocky grin on his lips.

"Good morning, Alexander. I made breakfast".

And he should have been used to it by now, really. After three dimensions, three versions of himself, he shouldn't be surprised anymore to see himself, standing mere meters from his original self – the real Alec.

But it was different this time.

The other Alec looked incredibly tired but content, his eyes not even fully open, and he looked like he had to get used to the bright sunlight in the room. There were pillow creases on his cheek, which was lined by stubble that surpassed Magnus' and could almost pass for a beard, really.

He wore black sweatpants and a dark tank top, that was cut deep enough to show off his collarbones.

The real Alec almost choked on his own spit when he noticed a huge hickey on the side of his neck, just above his pulse point. It was a wild mix of red and purple, almost offending in its size and the obvious effort that had been put into it.

It put images into his head that he desperately tried to shake off, a blush creeping onto his cheeks once again.

The other Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus' body, pulling him close, his naked back against Alec's worn top. His lips kissed the spot behind the Warlock's ear, curving into a gentle smile when his gaze wandered across the table.

"All by yourself?", he asked, and Alec flinched at the sound of his voice.

It was husky and a little raspy, probably from sleep and - …

He didn't even let that thought go any further.

Magnus nodded with the tiniest bit of hesitation, and the other Alec laughed, burying his nose in the black mess of his boyfriend's hair.

"Liar".

Magnus sighed theatrically, turned around and looked up at Alec with a fake-hurt look on his face.

"You know, you could at least pretend that I rose early in the morning while you were still out cold to make breakfast for you".

Alec grinned, a genuine, happy grin, while his fingers danced up and down Magnus' spine, making the Warlock shiver and lean his forehead against his shoulder.

"I might have believed you if I hadn't seen you getting up five minutes before me. And besides that, you know I always appreciate it when you make breakfast, even if it's stolen. But I would really like it if you could pay for it every once in a while".

Magnus grinned against his shoulder and then leaned up to press a short kiss to the other Alec's lips.

"Now where would be the fun in that?".

The other Alec could simply stare at them. His heart was still racing against his rib cage, but this time, it was for completely other reasons than it had been all day.

Even in the second dimension, where they had obviously been happy together and it had all been out in the open, Magnus and him hadn't looked this _happy._

They looked so incredibly comfortable around each other, teasing and touching each other like they had been together for-...

Alec's eyes widened when the thought hit him, and he quickly took a few steps forward, throwing aside the feeling of invading their privacy. He found what he was looking for when the othet Alec raised his hand to card it through Magnus' hair, messing it up even more.

There was no wedding rune on his wrist.

Instead, a simple, but beautiful silver ring glinted on his finger, and it only took a look at Magnus' hand to confirm what he had been secretly thinking this whole time.

The same jewelry.

They were married.

In this dimension, they lived together in this beautiful home, married _to each other._

It seemed impossible to grasp this thought. Too many things were attached to it.

What did his parents say?

What happened to Lydia? How did he explain to her that he couldn't marry her?

Where was Izzy? Jace? Even Clary?

Had he just left them behind?

"And you should probably conjure some more food and plates. You know Izzy and the others are coming over for breakfast".

While Alec had been lost in thought, the other Alec and Magnus had been kissing lazily, their hands slowly and gently wandering around each other's bodies.

Alec had now broken the kiss and was staring pointedly at his boyfriend – his _husband –_ who just sighed and turned towards the table.

But the real Alec couldn't have been more relieved. So Izzy was still talking to them then.

Not that he had expected anything else from her, since she had always supported him, even when he hadn't known what was going on himself.

And the others? Did that mean-?

"We can never have some time on our own here", Magnus noted grumpily, crossing his arms over his chest.

The other Alec laughed again – he seemed to be _buzzing_ with joy, something Alec couldn't remember feeling in a while – and sat down on a chair, his chin in his hand.

"You know that that's not true. We spent the last two days holed up in here without returning any calls or texts".

Magnus looked thoughtful at that, before his lips quirked into a dirty grin.

"Well, I certainly enjoyed them, _Alexander_ ", his voice dropped on the last word, and the other Alec, as well as the real one, felt a shudder run down his spine.

"I didn't deny that", mumbled the other Alec, his cheeks reddening.

It wasn't very hard to guess what they had been up to and the thought made Alec want to bury his face in his hands. Why did they keep confronting him with these details? Not that the hickey hadn't been obvious enough.

Magnus walked over to him, simply sitting down on his lap and intertwining their hands, his ring glinting in the sunlight.  
"I love it when you blush", he noted, his fingers tracing the other Alec's cheeks.

"I love you, Alexander".

His husband looked at him, his eyes going soft and his thumb grazing over the back of his hand.

"I love you too, Magnus".

And even though they were married, had most likely been for several years, it somehow still came as a surprise to hear these words out of his own mouth.

As if he hadn't expected to ever hear them from himself.

Which, maybe, deep down, he hadn't.

Alec closed his eyes, a sudden feeling of calmness overtaking him.

After weeks that hadn't let him catch his breath once, with Jace and Clary and Valentine and that vampire, he felt his mind settle down.

All the tension seemed to leave his body, his heart rate finally slowing down.

A smile, a real smile tugged on his lips and he felt the deep urge to bury it in his hands, almost as if he couldn't even allow himself to be this happy.

And then he heard the doorbell ring, saw Magnus standing up to open the door and let people inside. He saw Izzy and Simon, Clary and Jace, and lastly … his parents.

They all greeted each other, smiles on their faces, deliciously smelling bags in their hands.

And Alec laughed, really laughed, loud and so full of happiness that he felt like bursting with all the endorphines that rushed into his brain.

He wasn't surprised when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder then, didn't even look to see who it was.

He heard words, couldn't really make them out, but they sounded proud and like praise.

And then he closed his eyes, a gentle darkness overcoming him.

When he next opened his eyes, he was laying outstretched on a bed.

The walls around him were painted dark, decorated, but not with much.

Dark wooden doors, cupboards and a few arrows on the floor, next to loose papers.

He was in his room in the Institute.

He was home.


	5. V Trusting

I'm so, so, SO sorry! This took almost a year and I really won't even try to defend myself.  
I don't know what happened, but somehow this chapter's outlines just hadn't felt right to me, so I rewrote it in my head again and again, lost the motivation, only to finally, FINALLY, come back to this!  
And here we go!  
I hope you like the conclusion.  
I wanna thank all of you so, so much for clicking the story, for giving kudos to it and for all the sweet, sweet comments! I will work on answering them over the next few days 3  
I love all of you, this if for you, and again, I'm so sorry this took so long!

Also I'm sorry if the whole format/spaces look(s) weird, I'm trying to make it look a little better!

* * *

 **V. Trusting**

His gaze rested on the ceiling.

He felt unable to move, his mind reeling with the images he had seen what felt like seconds ago, but which seemed impossible to grasp now.

Nothing of that could really have happened, right?

Alec sat up, looking around the room. It was in the exact same state it had been in when he had left, so the thought of this possibly being just another dimension that simply _looked_ like his shrank, the panic that had accompanied it slowly subsiding.

Closing his eyes, Alec took a few breaths to calm down, forcing himself to simply forget about what he had seen.

All of that were probably just his nerves reacting to the stress he had been through these days, along with the fights and endless discussions he seemed to have had with almost everyone.

Because he was going to marry soon.

He was going to marry Lydia.

He felt the panic creeping back into his bones at lightning speed, his mind going back to the rune on the other Alec's skin, the _wedding rune_ , that had been clearly visible on his hand and still… Still he had kissed Magnus, had grasped his clothes as if his life depended on it.

Everything about it had been so _hurt_ and so desperate that it made his guts twist even now, even after having seen the happy dimension afterwards.

He felt a pounding starting in his head, along with the realisation that whatever all of that had been – there was no way any of that could simply have been a dream.

"I need to talk to you."

Jace looked up from where he had been scribbling down notes for his report about their last mission – Alec knew how much he hated it and it was written all over his Parabatai's face. He seemed to be rather happy about the distraction, shoving the notes away from him more than was necessary, before he nodded to signal Alec that he was listening.

"It's just-. Listen, it's about Magnus."

He knew that he was rushing his words, his usual drawl getting worse with every word he said, but judging by Jace expression suddenly turning serious, he simply assumed that he had understood.

"Did something happen to him?"

Alec finally sat down on the bed and started lightly picking at his fingers, as if that would help him explaining the situation in any way.

He felt like a stupid little kid that had to admit to his mother that he had really, _really_ screwed something up.

"I went to sleep and-", he interrupted himself, his gaze turning towards the windows.

It was pitch-dark outside.

He looked at Jace.

"Why are you even still awake?"

His parabatai rolled his eyes, nodding towards the papers on his desk.

"I procrastinated writing the stupid report. I asked Izzy to do it, but she refused."

He sounded incredibly annoyed, as though the simple thought of him having to do such low duties as writing a report were beyond his imagination.

"Anyway, you woke up, and? I mean, is that it? I would be more concerned if you hadn't."

Alec rolled his eyes at him, before looking back onto his hands. He was wringing them nervously, gulping down a breath, before he looked up again.

"It's just that I had those really strange dreams about Magnus and-", he stopped again, licking his lips and trying to find the right words.

He raised his gaze, almost hoping that Jace had already understood, _somehow_ , what kind of mess he was in and that he was unable to explain.

What he got instead was a mildly awkward expression and Jace opening his mouth in an obvious attempt to say something.

Before he could, Alec realised how terribly wrong his explanation must have sounded and he felt his cheeks heating up, raising his hands before saying "No, no, no, that's _not_ what I meant!"

Jace chuckled, obvious relief in his tone, before he crossed his arms in front of his broad chest.

"Then what was it? Was it bad?"

Alec sighed, trying to finally find the right words to explain the whole twisted situation.

"I saw us, him and me, in different dimensions. It was like some kind of weird dream world where I kept falling into different situations, but...", he ran a hand through his hair, and couldn't stand to look anywhere near where Jace sat.

He knew that Jace knew, since there was no way his parabatai had never noticed Alec's pining, which had included way too many longing stares and lingering hugs.

He also knew that Jace didn't mind, that he would probably be happy when Alec finally told him that he wasn't into girls.

But doing it was a whole different thing than thinking about it, even with the calming thought of Jace not judging him.

He tried to swallow the lump in his throat and finally managed to croak the words out.

"We were together. Like, together together", he managed to look Jace in the eye, his gaze hard, so he would understand.

Jace just nodded at him, his expression not having changed on bit.

It hadn't even wavered.

All of a sudden, Alec had the unbearable urge to simply cry. Of frustration, of happiness – he couldn't say.

"And I feel like that wasn't just a dream. It couldn't have been. All these different dimensions showed me that... That marrying Lydia is-", he swallowed.

The word "wrong" burned at the tip of his tongue, but he didn't feel like that could describe it.

Lydia was incredible. She was beautiful and smart and she had suffered so much already, having lost the love of her life.

The thought in mind, Alec realised what he had tried to say the whole time, but what had just felt selfish and stupid to say.

"I don't think it would be fair to either of us, you know? She deserves to be happy."

Jace's expression had changed into something that Alec couldn't read and it terrified him.

Then, suddenly, he stood up from his chair and put his arms around him.

"That might have been the most sentences I've heard you say in a long time", he chuckled, the sound close to Alec's ear.

"I'm really happy that you finally got that into that big head of yours. You might be able to make Lydia happy on your wedding day and you two might even be good at the whole play-pretending, but... Neither of you would enjoy that for long. And I would hate to see that", he put Alec on arm's length, looking him in the eyes.

"I mean it. I think you should talk to Magnus. I can see that he makes you happy and he is really trying, okay? I know I couldn't really stand him at first but he got you to freaking smile again, and-", he sighed and turned his head away, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I really wanna see that more often again."

The apartment-complex was as brightly lit as ever.

Alec stood on the empty street, a tension in his chest that he didn't even feel when they went out into a night just as black as this one to hunt a demon.

He hoped Magnus was still awake – or eve _here._

If he was judging by the look of hurt in his eyes when Alec had told him about the wedding, he might have vanished off the radar as quickly as he had when they had first met him and Magnus had escaped them through a portal.

The thought made the nerves in his body flare up and his stomach tighten uncomfortably.

A few moments later and Alec found himself standing in front of the apartment door.

Th only source of light came from a bulb that was hanging from a thin wire, swinging ominously on the ceiling, as if some invisible force was playing with it.

He rang the doorbell.

Seconds ticked by.

Seconds in which Alec considered simply turning around and running down the stairs like a mad-man, hoping that Magnus wouldn't see him and probably never see him again afterwards either.

Just as he considered actually following his plan, the door opened and revealed a fully-dressed and perfectly styled Warlock.

Magnus looked at him as if he were a kid that had rung his bell for fun and had forgotten to run for the prank to actually work.

Instead of saying anything, Alec simply walked into the flat, suddenly scared that Magnus might kick him out before he had the chance to say anything.

He opened his mouth to explain himself, just in the moment that his gaze fell on the countless supplies that Magnus kept storage - for potions, spells and other things only Warlocks could do.

Suddenly, a cold and ugly sensation filled his guts and a thought infiltrated his brain; one that grew and took over his mind way too quickly.

He turned around, faced the completely bewildered Magnus, and asked in a tone that sounded way too sure and way too accusing:

"You did this."

Everything seemed very clear to him now.

Why would he sudden dream of Magnus sobbing his eyes out without him?

Why would he see Magnus and him – and only Magnus and him – happy together.

Why him, of all people?

"You initiated that, didn't you?", his voice was loud now, all his insecurities and fears washing over hi, taking control of his brain.

"You made me see those things so I wouldn't go and marry Lydia."

Magnus still looked at him, his jaw suddenly set and tight.

"I'm sorry to disappoint my _dear_ Alexander, but I'm afraid I have to tell you that I do not have the slightest idea of what you are talking about."

His tone was so sickly sweet that it made Alec even angrier, his hurt expression only fuelling the fire in his gut further and making the whole situation so, _so_ much worse.

"You made me see those things, with, with us both! You showed them to me so I would see that you're the one I should go to and not Lydia!", he was outright yelling now, even when he saw Magnus expression crumble over his words, one the Warlock tried very hard to look cool and collected.

With all the calmness he was apparently able to muster, he asked:  
"Could you explain to me what you saw exactly?"

Alec turned away from him, huffing indignantly, before pointing an accusing finger at him.

"You! I saw you the whole time! You were crying over me, and, and you introduced yourself to my parents and we were _happy_ , and then we had this... Thing, but I was married to Lydia. But then I wasn't, but I had this ring from you and we had a house and mom and Izzy... They-", he was rambling, words blurring together.

His heart was beating two hundred miles per hour and he buried a hand in his hair, tugging a strand as if that could possible wake him from this disaster.

"I can't do that."

The statement was simple. There were no emotions in it.

Magnus had his arms crossed in front of the silky, purple shirt he was wearing. His expression was serious.

"What do you mean?"

The warlock shook his head, as though he were disappointed in Alec. And maybe he was.

"We can not create feelings. The only thing we can do is _enhancing_ them, meaning we can take feelings, thoughts, insecurities or fear that were there before and enlarge them."

Alec stared at him. He felt his pulse quickening at the same time that his mind seemed to go completely blank.

"What you saw has not been created by any Warlock. The only thing that is capable of making you see those things is your own brain, Alec. I had nothing to do with that. And neither did anyone else. I would suggest you looking at yourself first instead of lashing out at others", Magnus voice was still calm, but he wasn't trying to hide the pain in his voice anymore.

Alec looked back at him, a bottomless shame spreading in his gut.

He was so _stupid._

He had talked to Jace for that not to happen, didn't he?

He _knew_ that what he had seen, that none of that had been made up.

Of course the situations had never played out like that, but his feelings...

All of the feelings those Alecs had displayed were real.

"Magnus, I'm sorry."

The words tumbled out of his mouth without Alec really thinking about them.

He saw Magnus stopping in his tracks to the door – he had probably been about to kindly ask Alec to leave his apartment, so he weren't able to throw any more hurtful things into his face.

Alec's stomach twisted at the thought of how often he had done that in the past few days.

But Magnus?

Magnus had only ever been kind to him.

He had given him space, had talked to him for hours about mindless things to keep his nerves from betraying him.

He had told him that he wanted him to be happy, that he knew he would do anything for his family but that Alec needed to do something for himself every once in a while too.

All this man had done for him had been selfless and all Alec had ever been was terribly selfish and hurtful.

The words he had meant to say, the _confession_ that was long overdue, died in his throat.

In this moment he realised that whatever he did, he wasn't able to right the wrongs he had done to Magnus and that the Warlock deserved so much better than a self-pitying, closeted and fearful Shadowhunter that only hurt him and even accused him of playing mind-tricks on him.

How much more could one single person fuck up?

Magnus still looked at him, his gaze questioning and – _hopeful?_

Alec just shook his head, walking the steps that took him to the front door.

He had the words to say goodbye to the Warlock already at the tip of his tongue, when all of a sudden, Magnus grabbed his arm and stopped him in his tracks.

"Tell me what you wanted to say. You owe me at least that, Alexander."

Hearing this name again - the name only Magnus had been able to say with so much kindness – without any venom to it made Alec want to give up and simply cry until there was nothing left of him.

And then, pushed on by these emotions, Alec finally found the words he had originally wanted to tell Magnus.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess. I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to get you involved into this whole Shadowhunter-Business. I seriously never wanted to make you feel like I was just calling you whenever you felt useful to us and I, I stopped Jace from calling you all the time and, I... I mean it, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have accused you of these things, but I was so scared and honestly, I'm still _terrified_ , because everything that I saw only proved what I've been hiding from, from me, and everyone else and..."

He stopped his rambling, looking at Magnus with pleading eyes, begging him to forgive him and to understand, even though he deserved none of it.

But Magnus simply looked at him, the hand still on his arm, and Alec only now noticed how close they were standing.

"And what was that?"

He could just leave now.

He could leave and not look back and marry Lydia and make his family proud.

He could do all of that and be unhappy for the rest of his life.

What he did instead was none of that.

Alec leaned forward and pressed his lips to Magnus.

He could feel the hitch of Magnus' breath, could feel the way the Warlock immediately melted into his touch, which filled him with a happiness so bright and _honest_ that it made him feel light headed.

He buried his fingers into the soft fabric of Magnus's shirt and pulled him impossibly closer, the tiny scratches of stubble against his cheeks and jaw adding to the sensation of almost-dizziness he was experiencing.

When they parted after what felt like minutes or hours or _days_ , Alec leaned his forehead against Magnus', catching his breath.

What followed were five words that he had never thought he would ever hear himself say.

"I'm in love with you."

And Magnus looked at him, happiness so evident in his eyes that Alec felt the shame from before, shame over all the bad things he had said, overtaking him again.

"I'm in love with you, too, Alexander."

It was everything he had hoped for and so much more – and so much more than he deserved.

But, just as he had realised before, Magnus had always been too good to him.


End file.
